the first of December

“I remember clearly that first of December, the moment we truthfully confessed to each other, the sweet melancholy of my past with the one I ever loved the most.”


I’m really fortunate to have you by my side it’s like those times when it’s raining or snowing and I hug my pillow and find out that there’s no warmth but in you I found my happiest moment. You’re warmer than my pillow. I don’t know how to properly conveyed my feelings but because you know we’ve been like this for a long time, I still get embarrass when you talk to me on things that I thought that would make me look like an Idiot or something like, example on my grades, on how did I score, did I get a high score or the lower one, or the way I eat, did something goes unto my front teeth’s to make me look like a-no-class-girl or what. Even thou I’m like that talking shit like wherever and whenever you become completely reliable to me. Sometimes I’ve been asking myself if I in no particular time and day disgust you. Who would prefer someone to date me if I look like shit! (Oh damn I’m so sorry for my word) but what did you see in me? I’m no good compare to you, I’m a girl yes! But I’m not a beauty! I’m not smart! I’m not feminine! I ‘am not even a HUMAN! And I ‘am not those kinds of girls claiming they have more the right to date you and to be with you but why the heck me? In some way did I look amazing to you? (haha) In my life I’d never thought that somebody could honestly like me in this state, I’m not cute!?! (Am I?) I’m just a freaking loud girl with no personal asset but her big loud mouth! (haha) what is it me that you like? I’m sorry but I’m full of questions right now, I feel like my head is going to explode and my heart is going to burst! You could decide someone else, someone better than me, why me?

Why you? I don’t know somehow you may have charmed me. When I saw you I feel terrify (honestly) I don’t know how to act cool to you, (blushing) I want to impress you more and more, I want to tease you in every moments that I have with you just to satisfy myself that you won’t inevitably forget this man. I want you to view me as a man and not as a friend, I want you… I really really really want you to fall in love with me in this state that I’ am drown into. I’m not cool in fact I want you to notice about me, I want you to view the different sides of me, having me in your life means so much more to me, yes you are a girl, a very fine young woman that I truly and deeply love the most.  You are smart because you know how to treasure something that most people just throwing away, You’re not perfect because sometimes you make cute faces and gestures when you’re making mistakes, you are human because like ordinary people do, you laugh you cry you smile and your super amazing, you’re not cute at all but a beauty, you said you have no asset but you, yourself captured a guy’s heart without even knowing. You captured me. And I love you. You’re different because you are born to fit with me. Loving you is something for me to decide and not by anybody but me alone. It’s not my heart, my brain or any other parts of my body but it is my own self knows why I love you and if you break up with me, it’s not my heart ,my brain nor the other parts but my whole entire self is going to lose it function and I’m also fortunate knowing that you also love me is my very long wish. 

You know I’m a late bloomer,


And why taking chances on me?

Because I know someday your gonna fall in love with me, why did you take the chance?

Because I know I’ll be happy with you, so much happy that I could possibly die,

Err no! You don’t have to die! Idiot! Haha

You’re the idiot one for falling for this kind of girl!



I can’t see anyone who’s a girl here!


All I can see is a fine young woman hugging me like a pillow in this cold rainy night.


“after that night we celebrate our first Christmas as a couple-“






from the letters of Dynel to be continued…

Jo Vel


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