the dreamer inside of me

I’m doing reviews for the books I’ve read tonight.


I think I’ll die from day dreaming.. from thinking that there’ll be something in store for me because I’m reading stuffs like these..

And because a song keeps replaying on my playlist in more than a hundred times since I started reading. I feel so vaguely in vain thinking that I’m imagining things beyond my power.. but one can think that there’ll be a universal power to match to this fantasies that I’m having. It is not wrong of dreaming that someday.. Something wonderful will happen.

That the whole universe will be in your favor. And I’m not wrong into thinking the least of that. I still believe in that someday. I must be damned thinking the other though. That I’ll die like this.. alone.

And while I poured out my feeling in this


I can’t. I’m caught.

What has to be the way.. I feel alive more than anything.. and how horrible this may sound is, I wish to live in those stories I’ve read.

A pang of jealousy is sweeping over my damn head. What could have been in store for me? In those fantasies.. between Graeme dreams to Jordan Townsende.

And to all the men that I fantasized about while reading and to all the women I find similarities within me. One can not find fault on those books I’ve been reading but the blame is on my reading habits. And to mine also. Instead of reading what was supposed to be my quiz later, here I am pouring my heart out because I’m too dazed to let go of Stephen’s story. OHHHH DAMNATION.

After reading Jordan Townsende a few days ago, I find myself caught with desire in repeatedly reading every part of it. I forgot to eat, to sleep, to do what I’m supposed to do.. I even forgot to breath. I haven’t talk to anyone.. I deprived myself from the leisure of reality to succumb to my inner world. To delve into my fantasies and sink into the chaos it brings and I really need to stop this damn song from playing because I’m starting to write as a lovestruck dude who tried to confuse people on the internet.

I feel drunk. Drunk in the liquor of love.

In reality I can’t talk to strangers especially men of my age. In my imagination these women on books I’m reading is magnificent. I wish I could have the bit of their courage, wit, intelligence and beauty. Oh I wish to look someday on somebody’s eyes and from there I’ll start to see something “wonderful”. Until then, I might stay awake this entire hour… but..

Good night… good night… may the moon bless me with its light tonight.


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